I’m walking behind a young boy, maybe four years old, and his dad. They’re holding hands and talking in Spanish, about the parking place they found and something about Mama that I didn’t get. Then the kid says, “We need ta poo.”
Dad says, switching to English, too, “You just went before we left home.”
Kid: “We need ta poo.”
Dad: “Well, I don’t, so if you don’t, then we don’t.”
Kid: “We need ta poo!”
Dad: “Okay, no problem. We’re almost at the park and they have a potty there.”
Whereupon the kid stops, pulls on his dad’s hand, points to the stuffed bear the little girl ahead on the sidewalk is carrying, and says, slowly and loudly because adults can be so dim-witted, what he’s been saying all along: “WINNIE! THE! POOH!”
I love New York.
I love New York so much I made a 2019 calendar. Get yours now while there’s a discount!
SJ Rozan 2019 Calendar
All the photos except one were taken in New York. Extra points if you spot that one.(Hint: this isn’t it.)
Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers fighting against gun violence, against concentration camps for children, against climate change. To fathers not in the fight: look at your children, and ask yourselves how they’ll feel about the world you’re leaving them.
Anthony Bourdain’s Twitter bio is one word: “Enthusiast.”
photo by David Scott Holloway
Many, many times I’ve found myself wishing I were living another life instead of the one I have. If you asked me, though, of all the actual people I knew or knew about, whose life would I want, there are few. At the top of that short list was Anthony Bourdain. His love of adventure, food, culture, people, and his access to them all, made me acutely conscious, as I watched “No Reservations” and later “Parts Unknown,” that I was sitting on my couch in my living room while he was Out There.
I don’t know what happened. But typically, he handled it his way, went out on his own terms. I’m so, so sorry it came to that. And I’m grateful he was here.
In his spirit I offer this week’s Food-friendly events from Eating in Translation.
Bourdain said, “If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food.” So let’s get out and move!
For some reason unknown to me — as the reasons for most things are — yesterday morning’s walk to the basketball gym was rife with discarded items that practically wrote their own captions. Here are mine; you’re welcome to send yours.
Honey… About the dog…
Whee! First-class flatbed from now on!
It should’ve set off warning bells when he insisted on hanging that stupid self-portrait in the living room.
Take this messenger job and shove it!
Do you think he’ll get it if I leave TWO behind?
I know you all want to come to my writing workshop in Assisi at Art Workshop International and I want you all there! So to that end, please note that the early bird registration discount has been extended until April 20. Take advantage! Come to Italy!
Yesterday, walking down a midtown street, I hear this behind me: “Now you have to keep your eyes absolutely shut for the next five minutes. Either that or you can stay here and I’ll come back for you.” The answer: “Okay, I will.” Both voices sound cheerful but this is odd so naturally I turn to see what’s up. A young black man with an enormous grin is leading his eyes-shut girlfriend by the hand. They come to a shop; he takes her in and positions her in the narrow window by the door, facing the street so that even if she peeks she won’t know where they are. But I’m watching from the sidewalk and she’s doing exactly as she promised.
They’re in a jewelry store. Still grinning, he goes to the ring counter. He’s obviously been there before because he knows exactly what he wants. The salesperson brings out the ring he’s pointed to. They have a brief discussion which by the way he rubs his knuckle I surmise is about re-sizing after purchase. Satisfied with the answer, he glances over at his girlfriend, still with her eyes squeezed shut, which he can’t see but I can. He catches sight of me watching. I give him a thumbs-up, both about her not peeking and about the whole business.
He goes to the register, takes out his credit card, buys the ring, and walks over to her. Right there in the window, open box on his palm, he says something and she turns, opening her eyes. First she looks around and realizes where they are. Then she sees what he’s holding out to her. She bursts into tears. His grin has gotten so enormous it’s sparkling off all the other rings and bracelets in the store. I give them another thumbs-up and leave.
Romance is not dead. And I love New York.
This is what happened yesterday:
Because Russia, deliberately using a nerve gas traceable back to them and only them, poisoned one of their ex-spies in England, the US Treasury announced new sanctions against various Russian operatives and organizations, though the executive branch has yet to implement the ones voted by Congress last year.
Three-quarters of a million students, including in some places just one lone kid and in others whole classes of six-year-olds, marched out of class to protest the targets on their backs.
A porn star started a crowd-source funding campaign to raise the money to pay the damages she’s threatened with in a probably-invalid NDA, should she speak out about her affair with the POTUS.
There’s only one explanation, folks, and I think somebody has to say it. One of the computers that runs the Matrix has gone batshit crazy.
It’s not uncommon here to see plastic bottles and aluminum cans left beside trash containers, for street people to collect and redeem for the nickel or dime. People often place them carefully so they won’t blow away. This, however, was new to me: a pile, worth a couple of bucks, with its own handy carrying bag. I love New York.
It’s Wesley Stace’s Cabinet of Wonders, and I’m on it!
For years I’ve loved this sort-of-monthly event, an always-eclectic collection of musicians, writers, comedians, and who-knows-whats. Wesley Stace, a/k/a John Wesley Harding (yes, from the Dylan song, it’s very meta) is the only person on both my favorite-novelists and favorite-musicians lists. And now he’s invited me to be on the show!
It’s broadcast over NPR, or podcast, not sure which, but if you’re not nearby, check the NPR schedule.
But if you are nearby the NYC City Winery on Friday, March 9 — that’s next week, ladies, gents, and everyone else — come on down! For full cast, see the Mysterio Wheel, or click the link. (Don’t click the Mysterio Wheel — it’ll seem like nothing happened, but such things you’ll be setting in motion as will in years to come cause chaos everywhere but Wakanda.)
March 9th Cabinet of Wonders
But I don’t want to — I want YOU to. What I want for my birthday is for each and all of you to rush out and buy yourself a copy of this fabulous book. Then buy one for a friend, as an early, or belated, birthday present. Available wherever fine books are sold.
Why, you ask? Because it has heartbreaking, or funny, or breathtaking stories by such writers as Alice Walker, Walter Mosley, Paul Theroux, and well, ME. Not enough, you say? It has art by folks like Eric Fischl, Art Spiegelman, and Jaune Quick-to-See Smith. More, you want? We, the writers and artists, do not get the profits; nor does Simon and Schuster, who published it. Who does? The ACLU!
So — get yourself, and a friend, or many friends, a great book (and yes, it comes in e form), make a contribution to the ACLU, and celebrate the fact that I’m a year older.
Well, someone has to celebrate it. Not me. But get this book!