Hey, all you maskless joggers!

Yeah, you who go barreling barefaced down the paths in a crowded park, huffing and spewing. Are you telling me your lungs are too weak to suck in air through a couple of layers of cloth? Or is it your brain that lacks the ability to coordinate your hand pulling a mask down when you’re not near someone else and pulling it up when you are? If either of those things is true you shouldn’t be out running, you belong in an institution.

I know you feel fine and you’re young and you own the world. Here’s the thing. The mask I wear isn’t to protect me, it’s to protect you. If you wore one it would be for other people, too. Here’s the next thing. There’s a 100% chance some of you are asymptomatic spreaders. 100%! And here’s the last thing. When your loved ones get sick and die it will be because some non-thinking moron like you breathed COVID all over them.

So how about you man- and woman-up and start acting like actual adults instead of the fine physical specimens no one cares that you think you are? Get a goddamn mask!

And to the runners who went by me today masked, thank you. May your lungs grow ever more powerful and your legs never tire.


  1. Why would they advertise their stupidity?

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